


A Strange Household

by Me (Welp_I_tried_my_best)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Deceit is a dad, Fluff, Minor roles for patton Logan roman, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, adult Deceit, baby Remus, baby Virgil, sympathetic dark sides
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:51:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22031941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welp_I_tried_my_best/pseuds/Me
Summary: Deceit’s kicked out of the light side’s Mind Palace so he starts a new home. By himself. SIKE he’s a dad and his kids r two dumbasses
Relationships: familial deciet X Remus X Virgil
Comments: 53
Kudos: 571





	1. Chapter 1

Deceit frowned as he sat on the threadbare sofa in the middle of the threadbare sitting room surrounded by threadbare objects. Himself included in that list of threadbare objects. He had known Morality frowned on lying but he didn’t think he would go as far as to kick him out of the Mind Palace for it.

But that didn’t matter, he would create his own Mind Palace. He wasn’t the most imaginative, that he left up to Creativity, but he could try. He had created the essentials; the aforementioned sitting room; a bedroom with a yellow door, hung on which was a name tag that read ‘Deceit.’ and a scribble to cover the following initial, the bedroom had a luxurious inside, four poster bed and all sticking to a green and yellow colour scheme; his Mind Palace also had a kitchen, it had no utensils as Deceit just summoned his food, but it had a large oak table and a single oak chair.

The only problem; there was no one else to share it all with. Deceit couldn’t lie to himself, he saw through all lies after all, he knew he would get lonely. It would take a while, sure. But it would happen eventually. Even with his occasional visits to the the other Sides to annoy them and keep up his reputation as a nefarious cryptid. 

The sound of crying jolted him from his musings, specifically the wailing of a child- no, a baby. Deceit looked up and noticed a door he hadn’t seen before and certainly hadn’t created. He shrugged. Might as well go see what was happening (when one exist in someone’s mind one tends to ignore strange occurrences, such as doors appearing out of no-where). 

The door opened into a dark light corridor. Deceit stepped inside, squinting in the dim light of a single flickering bulb hanging from the ceiling. There was a door. It was black with a grey grid painted on and a crooked name-plate that simply said ‘Anxiety. V’ The crying was coming from inside, it had settled down a bit but still had a strength and volume to it that impressed Deceit. 

He pushed the door open and looked inside. The same kind of room greeted him as the corridor outside, dimly lit with a naked bulb and completely bare. Except, that is, for a small cot in the corner, containing a small baby. He was wrapped in an oversized black hoodie and was chewing on the zip of said hoodie.

Deceit didn’t believe in love at first sight but he came dangerously close to understanding it as he stood and gazed at the helpless child. 

_Well maybe not so helpless_ he thought, as the child cried louder _that screaming could scare away a lion_

He picked up the child and cradled him gently, cooing at him in a way he had seen Morality doing for the other sides when they were sad or scared. It seemed to work for the child went back to sucking on his zip and gazing up at Deceit with large, dark eyes. 

Deceit decided that maybe life around the Dark Mind Palace wouldn’t be so lonely anymore. The baby coughed and spat saliva at onto Deceit’s cape;_ and maybe not so peaceful_, amended Deceit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters will get longer in a bit lol


	2. Chapter 2

Deceit let an exasperated breath go as he heard the kid screaming again. Kids might be cute but they were **a lot** of work. He plastered a smile on his face (he had learned early on that Anxiety got scared if he glared too much) and turned round to the petulant child seated at the table. 

“You hungry? You want food? Hey Anx-no don’t chew that, no. Put. It. Down. I said- no I’m sorry don’t cry, please?” Deceit stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath. A lot of work.

“Baby food. Okay. Just summon some baby food and do the airplane thing, I guess. Okay. Okay. Just pretend you’re Morality or something.” Deceit ran a hand through his hair, his bowler hat had long ago been tossed onto the sofa. He looked at Anxiety, who had stopped trying to eat his chair and was looking curiously at Deceit, probably wondering why an adult was talking to himself.

Deceit waved his hand and a bowl of baby food appeared. This evidently excited Anxiety as he laughed and clapped his hands. 

“Wow, kid, that wasn’t cliché at all” Deceit muttered and Anx laughed some more. Maybe he should just be himself? Probably better.

“Okay, look. You are going to eat this, hell I’ll even feed it to you. And I am going to try stay calm and not break everything in here or rip out my hair. Got it?” Deceit could have sworn the baby nodded. “Good. Now, eat.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some warnings in this chapter: Remus mention. He doesn’t really speak much but there is a bit of yucky stuff, blood mention and a break down.

Things were all right in the Dark Side’s Mind Palace. Deceit had gotten used to raising Anxiety, or Anx as he called him, and the baby had grown into a stroppy, sweet toddler. 

Deceit showed Anxiety how to help Thomas through the day without revealing he was doing it, although he did sometimes accidentally give Thomas panic attacks, but overall he was doing well. Deceit had also taught Anx about the Light Sides; how to avoid them; how close minded they were and how to leave as quickly as possible if ever near them.

One day however Deceit was woken by crying. He immediately rushed to Anxiety’s room only to find the kid sleeping peacefully. He quitely closed the door, so as not not to wake him and turned to look further into the corridor. It was better lit now with an overhead light and a lamp on a small table. By this light Deceit could see a new door. 

This one had more character than Anxiety’s. It was bright green and had what looked like tentacles dripping with blood nailed to it. The name tag on it read ‘Creativity. R’ with green and red scribbles all over it. 

The sobbing was coming from inside this door.

Deceit knocked gently and the crying inside hitched as a young voice called out,

“Huh- who’s there?” 

Deceit paused for a moment before asking quietly, “Can I come in?”

“Yeah- yeah sure”

Deceit pushed the door open and stepped into a disaster zone. The bed was ripped on its side with its covers all missing. There were several dents in the walls and the carpets were stained with questionable substances. As Deceit looked around he spotted the covers piled in a corner. The pile moved and a head emerged. 

The child looked to be around five years old, only a couple older than Anxiety. His hair was brown and scruffy and looked like it hadn’t been brushed in days, he had small crinkles round his eyes that showed he usually grinned a lot. But he wasn’t grinning now. 

His face was streaked with tears and he was clutching the covers like a drowning sailor. He peered up at Deceit and once again asked “who are you?” in a slightly more stable voice. Deceit smiled and crouched down next to him.

“I’m Deceit and I’m going to look after you, c’mon let’s get you out of here”.

Deceit moved the child, covers and all, through to the sitting room (which had also been upgraded but had toys scattered around the floor). “Okay kid, let’s start with your name.” 

“Remus”

“And what happened Remus? Why are you crying?”

“Well...Morality said that I wasn’t good and Logic tried to argue but he didn’t try very hard and then Morality started yelling and I wanted Roman but then Morality said I had- I had to go and- and he said- he said that I was bad” Remus’ voice cracked on the last word and he curled into Deceit’s side and cried more. Deceit let him cry and didn’t press him for anymore answers.

“It’s ok, hey kid, Remus, you’re going to be ok. I’ll look after you here. No one will make you go away and you can stay and be safe. Shhh it’s alright. Just cry and get it all out.”

Slowly Remus calmed down and he feel asleep resting against Deceit. Deceit didn’t know what this child had done that made Morality believe it was wrong but he knew that he would offer him a home and would care for him and Anxiety and anyone else who wanted it like his own children and, for once, he wasn’t lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Hope you like this. It has to have the most dismal personification of Deceit ever, for that I apologise. But whatever, leave kudos or a comment if u feel like it or don’t if u don’t feel like it. Thanks for reading ❤️❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Edit: So that’s all I’ve got written already. I’m really bad at updating so don’t except much of this wreck. Thanks for reading love u❤️❤️❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no plot in this so whatever

“Did you know that jelly beans are so shiny because they're coated with shellac, which is made from insect poop?”

“Ewww no why would you even say that?” asked Anxiety, spitting out the jelly bean he had just put in his mouth. Remus shrugged, unabashed, “I dunno, I read it on the internet when I was bored yesterday.”

“So it must be true if you got it from the internet, probably on the first website you clicked on.” Deceit said not glancing up from his book, ‘History of Western Philosophy’.

“Duh” muttered Anxiety, through his bangs.

“Anx, can you try to be a bit more of an angsty pre-teen”

“Ummm I am 11 so I’m nearly a teenager”

“Yeah well, I’m 13 so I can tell you that ‘when a thing called puberty hits you, a lot of changes happen to your body and feelings some including-‘“said Remus quoting a pretentious adult that had monologued to 12 year old Thomas for an entire 5 minutes. It was disgusting and Remus had loved every minute of it.

“No I don’t need to know that,” Anxiety said chucking an empty cereal box at him, “shut up.”

“Anxiety don’t you know that saying ‘shut up’ is ruuuuude word.” Deceit muttered in a mocking parody of Morality. Both the kids cracked up at that.

They were sitting in the sitting room. No one had cleaned up for a week and probably wouldn’t for another fortnight but that was normal. Random objects lay abandoned including: a pair of medieval thumbscrews Remus had been experimenting with earlier; an eyeliner palette with the black almost finished and the other colours slightly worn from the time Anxiety had experimented with his aesthetic ™ and 3 separate philosophy books that Deceit was reading simultaneously. And, of course, the customary pieces of trash that were needed (as mentioned before) to chuck at Remus when he said something stupid.

Remus studied a jelly bean closely then put it in is mouth and chewed deliberately whilst grinning at Virgil. Virgil glared and Deceit smirked. The sat around for a while in comfortable silence before they all decided the atmosphere was too lovey dovey and went back to annoying each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So normal Remus warnings I guess. Swearing, tiny mention of blood please tell me if there are any I missed <3

“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK” chanted an excited 7 year old Remus as he bowled into the sitting room. 

“Shit” whispered Deceit as he hit his head in the table, his bowler hat falling off, “who the fuck told you about swear words?”

“And can wring their neck?” Added Anxiety, not really appropriate language for a five year old but growing up with Remus will do that to you.

“FUCK FU-it was Logic-FUCK FUCK FUCK-“ Deceit snapped his fingers and Remus’ hand snapped up to cover his mouth. 

He glared indignantly before turning way and dramatically trying to cross his arms. Anxiety breathed a sigh of relief and Deceit chuckled and went back to listening in to the Light Side’s conversation with Thomas, his head tilted to one side and his eyes glazing out.

As he did so Remus found himself able to speak once more and stopped trying to cross his arms and started trying cajole Anxiety into a sword fight.

“just imagine all the blood!”

“Noooo”

“Pleaseeeeeee, you can use my mace?”

“Fuck off”

“You can’t bully me while using my new favourite word! Swear words are great aren’t they? I wish I knew more-“ Remus stopped talking suddenly and his head snapped round 180° to stare at Deceit intensely. Deceit becoming aware of this close scrutiny looked slightly nervous.

“When I came in...you muttered something under your breath. I think you ‘shit’” said Remus slowly as he swivelled his body to catch up with his head.

“I didn’t say shit, I said....ship. Totally different”

“You don’t want me to know about it which means it will annoy you if I know it.” 

“Oh god” muttered Anxiety looking around for his headphones.

“Is ‘shit’ a swear word? IS IT? OOOO I BET IT IS! SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK SHIT”

Anxiety located his headphones and pulled them on while Deceit pulled his hat down over his ears and resigned himself to this fucking torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no timeline ok? And even if there was I would be yeeting myself round it as inspiration hits me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again Remus is a a weirdo and gross. Also there’s a mention of death in like fatalistic humour. Plus lots of swearing.

Anxiety yawned and reached for the light at the bed side table. As he did so he glanced at the alarm clock and realized it was 2pm. Slept in again, goddamit.

He rolled over threw his arm over his head and tried to get back to sleep. 

“YOOHOOOOOO!!! ANXIETY!!!!”

He groaned into his pillow and wished for the sweet release of death.

“Can you imagine sleeping soooo much that your body just MELTS into the bed?”

Okay maybe not death but perhaps like a hospitalizing accident. Maybe then Remus would leave him alone.

“If a body is 60% water then imagine what burning looks like. The cheeks would sink in and the eyes would be tiny cuz there’s so much water in them and-“

“Fuck off, Remus”

“Dee! The tiny emo is angryyyyyy”

“Wonderful, I’m so ecstatic, actually positively bursting with joy at that irrelevant information.”

“Hey Anx did ya here that? Deceit’s exploded.”

“WHAT? I DID NOT!”

At this point Remus gave up trying to give Anx privacy and decided to use a battering ram to open the door with the help of the three zombies he summoned. The door came flying off its hinges and landed on Anxiety’s bed and, by extension, Anxiety. This woke him up well and truly.

“WHAT THE FUCK REMUS??” He yelled shooting up in bed.

“Hey look I respected your privacy long enough it would have been _irresponsible_ not to have woken you up. Furthermore if you continue to sleep in this long you will ruin your sleep schedule.”

Anxiety stared “What”

“Wow rude much, I do listen to Logic’s rants sometimes”

“You only listen to those so you can piss people off”

“Yep”

There was a bang in the kitchen followed by a high pitched yelp.

“Ah, i do believe Deceit just found the bomb I hid in the biscuits.”

The yell of rage that followed echoed through the mindscape. So did the demonic giggling and groans of disgust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny chapters but hey at least you get stuff. *looks guilty at my abandoned wips then shoves them away*


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Virgil are actual gremlins

“OI shithead” screeched Remus, hanging from the ceiling fan.

“This is a bad idea”

“Exactly! Now, PULL THE LEVER KRONK”

“I thought it was your brother who was supposed to like Disney?”

“Shut it balls for brains and PULL THE LEVER”

“More of a switch but whatever” Anxiety muttered and flicked the switch connected to the ceiling fan.

“YEEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOO” screamed Remus as it span round, gathering speed quickly. Too quickly in fact, as he couldn’t hold on. 

Anxiety only just managed to dive behind the sofa as Remus flew through the air and banged into the wall where Anxiety has been standing with a loud and jarring _thud_. He slid to the ground and lay there upside down.

Anxiety peeked over the sofa. “Remus? You good?”

No answer

“Um hey. Don’t be dead. Please don’t. Then Dee would get mad at me and this was your idea. It was not mine. I had nothing to do with this. Oh god I think he’s dead.”

Anxiety slowly walked over to the prone body laying on the floor all the while muttering to himself.

“What if I hide the body? Yes that will work. For a bit at least. But where should I hide it? Not the closet that’s for sure, Deceit would find that way to easily. Maybe in my room? Perhaps.” He stopped muttering to give Remus a quick shove with his foot.

As he did so Remus suddenly sprang up yelling right into Anxiety’s face.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

“**AHHHHHHHHHHHSKDJDKXBKXJD FUCK**” yelled Anxiety back before scampering to the kitchen and on top of the fridge.

“HAHAHAHAHA you should have seen your face!!!! That was good I should do that more often!!!” Squealed Remus doubled over with laughter. 

From the top of the fridge Anxiety hissed loudly at him, shaking violently.

“**NEVER DO THAT AGAIN YOU.... YOU... DICKHEAD”**

****

****

Deceit walked into the room and saw the creaking ceiling fan, dent in the wall, and both Remus and Anxiety in hysterics (albeit different types). He sighed.

“I don’t want to know”

Then walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone give Deceit a break. Also Virgil immediately planning on how to hide the body is a mood (yes I know I wrote I can still call it a mood whatever)
> 
> Yay school shut down and we had online classes for the first time today. Stay safe yall


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for kind of panic attack but not too bad.

He was going to tell them.

He had to. Probably. Or he could just not tell them. But telling them would take away the guilt he felt whenever they called him Anxiety. They didn’t actually care but he felt guilty that he hadn’t trusted them enough to tell them his name.

He had discovered it after several days spent sitting in his room with My Chemical Romance playing softly through the overlarge black headphones Deceit had got him for his 11th birthday. That kind of environment was perfect for self reflecting and research he had found. 

And finally he found his name. Virgil. It had a nice ring to it. Kind of mysterious, dark and foreboding. Also it was the name of an ancient Roman poet which was pretty cool. (although that was too nerdy in Anxiety- no Virgil’s opinion so he would never admit to the fact that that had been one of the deciding factors). 

Now that he had discovered he just had tell Remus and Deceit. No big deal. Even if they didn’t like it they would probably still respect it. Probably. Maybe. Or they might not. 

And if they didn’t they then they would kick him out and he would have to go begging to the Light Sides and they already hate but they would hate him even more and then he would just spend the rest of his miserable existence hiding under the stairs looking for scraps of food at night like an animal- 

Virgil managed to catch himself spiralling and took deep calming breaths.

Being the embodiment of anxiety made things much harder than they needed to be. Just get it over and done with? Then maybe he could make it to the Light Sides mind palace before Thomas went to sleep. 

He pushed his trembling hands deep into his hoodie’s pockets and pulled his hood up. His headphones a comforting weight around his neck. 

He sank down and appeared suddenly in the living room. He was so nervous he didn’t notice that the mess which was usually found cluttering every surface had been cleared slightly. 

Deceit looked up from the kitchen sink and noticed Virgil’s trembling state. His brows drew together slightly and he walked over to the smaller side, carefully so as not to startle him.

“Wow, Anx, you look _incredible_” he said gently

“Where is Remus?” Asked Virgil abruptly.

“In his room”

“Can we get him in here?”

“Sure” Deceit raised a hand and summoned Remus while looking at Anxiety worriedly. What could have shaken him up so badly?

Remus fell from the ceiling screeching. “What the fuck? Here I was seeing what poison ivy tastes like and you summon me with no warning? RUDE”

Deceit hushed him quietly and pulled him over to the sofa sensing that Anxiety had something to tell them. Remus sensed it as well and struggled to keep quiet. 

Virgil fiddled nervously, chewing on the sleeve of his hoodie.

“So..I have some thing to...tell you..um”

“It’s ok honey take your time” Deceit said gently.

“Or just say it really quickly! Like ripping off a limb,” Remus suggested unhelpfully. Deceit glared warningly at him, “or....or a bandaid? Yeah! A bandaid!” Deceit nodded approvingly and Remus beamed “and then you get to see all the pus and blood from the cut-“ 

“Remus. Just leave it there”

“Ok”

Anxiety stared at the ground talking quietly, almost to himself “ok like a bandaid. Ok just do it. Get it over and done with. Ok....so....um....well....oh god. Ok. So. Um...ok.....so”

“Yeah Anx, breath in for 6, hold for 7 and release for 8. It’s ok, you’re safe”

Anxiety took a few deep breaths then suddenly, with no warning he shouted “MY NAME IS VIRGIL” the slapped his hand over his mouth, apparently shocked he had actually said it.

Remus grinned and Deceit looked thoughtful.

“Oh like Virgin!” Remus giggled into his hand.

“No not like virgin, like Virgil” said Virgil glaring to try hide his anxiety. 

“Ok Virgil then, I LIKE IT! I think it suits you! Kind of like how my morning star and my brother’s head suit each other!” 

Virgil looked slightly concerned at that metaphor but relaxed as he heard that Remus approved. He turned to Deceit, who hadn’t moved yet.

“Well?” He said once again playing nervously with his hoodie sleeve.

“I like it. Very Dark Side-ish and foreboding. Were you thinking about the ancient roman poet when you came up with it.”

“No.”

Deceit smirked sensing the lie but not mentioning it. “I think it’s great”

Virgil beamed wide and ran over to the two sides sitting on the sofa and wrapped his arms around them.

They both stiffened in surprise, Virgil wasn’t exactly a big hugger, in fact none of them were. But this was a special occasion so they both wrapped their arms around him as well and the three dark sides held each other tightly. 

Virgil had never felt so happy and he fell asleep that night smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow would ya look at that. Another chapter in two days? I might have the corona virus cuz this is not normal (lol that was a joke don’t worry).  
Ya know this could have been worse and I actually kind of like it.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a normal day in the Dark Sides’ Mind Palace. Well, as normal as it could be with Virgil sitting on top of the fridge playing with a fidget spinner, Remus sticking tooth picks into a colander and Deceit frying eggs. But it was a contented atmosphere. 

Or was until a crash was heard coming from the sitting room and a loud voice exclaimed, “holy shit”

Then “language!”

“That was English” 

The three dark sides all tensed and stared at each other with wide eyes. Virgil was alarmed to see both Deceit and Remus looking as scared as he felt rather than their usual calm and bravado.

There was silence from the living room and Virgil saw Deceit take a deep breath and then his expression changed completely, almost as if slipping on a mask. Remus suddenly grinned widely his eyes still wide. Virgil pulled his hood up. He didn’t know what was happening but it was not good. 

Remus jumped up from his seat and started running towards the sitting room but Deceit quickly stopped him. He motioned Virgil over and quietly whispered “stay behind me and you’ll be fine. But make sure they can’t see you’re doing that. If you act tough they can’t hurt you.”

He turned and lead them into the sitting room, a smirk settling onto his face and his walk turning into a self assured swagger.

“Why, what a _surprise_. The Light Sides deign to bless us with their presence. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Virgil had to remember Deceit’s warning and stopped himself from instinctively hiding behind Deceit and instead stopped slightly to his left but still behind him. He noticed Remus doing the same on the right as they formed a defensive triangle.

The Sides in front of them were doing the same. At the front was side with glasses, a light blue polo shirt and a cardigan (wrapped around his shoulders for some reason). He smelled vaguely of cookies and had crinkles around his eyes which showed he smiled regularly. Except he wasn’t smiling now. He looked as tense as Deceit had looked earlier and more uncomfortable. 

Directly in front of Virgil was a side with a black polo and a blue striped tie. He was expression-less and was studying Virgil intensely. He raised an eyebrow slightly when Virgil shifted uncomfortably at the close scrutiny. Once again Virgil remembered Deceit’s warning and glared at him darkly before studying the last side. 

He was standing tall and proud, although he was leaning slightly towards the light blue side while trying to hide that was what he doing. He had a bright red sash draped across his chest, similar to Remus’.

These must surely be the light sides Deceit had mentioned. He had warned Remus and Virgil to stay away from them and Virgil knew something had happened between Remus and them when he was younger. He had never seen them before though and didn’t know who they were.

“Um hey there....” the light blue one said. He waved awkwardly as he got no response from the Dark Sides.

“We were just checking in....ya know.....to see how you were doing”

“HA more like coming to check on the trash. WE WONT TELL YOU OUR EVIL PLAN!! Although I could tell you that it might~ involve plucking your eyes from your heads” cried Remus suddenly. The light blue side winced. The dark blue side simply adjusted his glasses while the red looked angered and drew his word suddenly. 

Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin as he leaped forward and pointed it at Remus dramatically and yelled “YOU FIEND I KNEW IT” Remus looked ready to yell back but Deceit hushed him lightly. 

“Shush Remus mustn’t give away too much of our evil plans or else they’ll be able to counteract it”

“Nah Roman’s too dumb to do that” 

The side across from Remus, Roman apparently, lowered his sword and stomped his foot “Am not! If you made a plan it would really easy to counteract cuz the good guys always win!!” 

While Virgil found it ironic that the side that came into their home and threatened his older brother at sword point called himself the ‘good guy’ he was getting tired of the yelling. He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes as sassily as he could. 

The dark blue side adjusted his glasses again and stepped forward to be level with the other two and said calmly “We did not come here to be antagonistic. We simply needed to check in on you”

“Oh come now, Logic, I thought I was supposed to be the liar here. You’ve ignored us for years surely, there must be an ulterior motive here? You wouldn’t just wonder into _our_ domain with no reason to. You don’t know what kind of monsters could be down here.” He grinned menacingly as if sharing an inside joke with them. 

Virgil wondered what he was talking about. There might be the odd monster wondering about from one of Remus’ creative bursts but Remus would stop them before they actually hurt you. Unless....Deceit meant the Dark Sides? Why would they be monsters? They just did their jobs why would they be bad. But Deceit seemed to be saying that and no one was arguing with it. The Light Sides didn’t question it. Not even Remus said anything.

So Virgil said nothing.

“_Dearest_ Morality, care to explain?”

“No really! Just checking up that’s all!”

Deceit looked him up and down and raised an eyebrow “fine. Well you’ve checked. Now you can go”

“But we only just got here!” 

“Well we didn’t ask you to come. Go away”

“Don’t speak to him like that you slippery snake!” Interjected Roman.

Suddenly Virgil was as tired of the light sides as Deceit seemed to be. He was indignant that they had just came here without invitation and interrupted a peaceful morning and no one spoke to his family like that. He shot a dirty look at Roman and said “yeah well he told you to go away so maybe you should listen”

The flamboyant side looked shocked and stared at him as if he hadn’t noticed him before. “Who are you, emo?”

Logic glanced at him sharply and then said “Would I be correct in assuming you are Anxiety?” 

Virgil glared but didn’t dispute it. 

Remus spoke up again “hey guys as much as I enjoy seeing you lot standing ‘round looking as useless as toe hair I have some poisons to go feed to my dinosaur and this is getting boring.” 

“Actually toe hair is not useless as it means we are more sensitive so we can feel an ant crawling-“

“That poor dinosaur it might be hurt! Why not feed it something nice like-“

Useless? We are not useless! The only useless side around here is-“

The light sides spoke at the same time and all three dark sides smirked. 

Virgil heard Deceit take a deep breath and wasn’t surprised when three hands clapped over their owner’s mouths cutting them off.

“If you kick us out of the light sides mind palace you might as well have the decency not to show up and annoy us here. We are doing fine, thank you for asking” his voice dripped with sarcasm “we are, in fact, not planning any nefarious plans and even if we were we would not tell you so LEAVE US ALONE” he yelled the last part loudly and everyone jumped. The three light sides sank down, out of shock probably. 

As they did Remus and Virgil looked at Deceit.

“You okay double d?”

“Yessss I’m _fine_. I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine” Virgil said anxiously.

“Well I am. I jussssst- I just need a moment to calm down”

“Okay” Remus and Virgil glanced at each other as Deceit walked quickly to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo another chapter! Lol kinda angst but not too much. I could have sworn this was longer when I was writing it but ya know eh. I love sassy boi deceit but I feel like this could have been better but whatever.  
Please comment I crave validation lol


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS for Putting other first!!

Virgil chewed on his finger nail nervously while Remus paced the living room. 

“We should go check on him. He isn’t fine”

“But he said he needed a moment. We can’t just barge into his room”

“He was _lying_ duh”

“Yeah but still we should respect his wishes”

“Whatever, you can stay here but I’m going to help him”

Remus strode out of the room and Virgil hesitated for a few moments before following.

Deceit’s room was the first in the corridor and Virgil found Remus standing outside not moving. 

He walked up to him and reached out a hand to shake his shoulder when he saw what Remus was staring at. 

The sign on Deceit’s door was crooked and the scribble that usually covered the initial was smudged. Virgil hand fell to his side and they both stared. 

In all the time they had been there they had never touched the sign and they had hardly gone into Deceit’s room. 

Remus reached a hand out wipe away the rest of the black smudge and Virgil didn’t try to stop him. 

Remus hesitated and then took a breath and word it away, all in one go.

They both read the full sign ‘Deceit. J’

They looked at each other with wide eyes. Shocked. 

They were silent and then Remus simply said “Huh.”

That seemed to snap Virgil out of his trance and he pulled his hood up, gasping for breath. 

“Oh no. We shouldn’t have done that. Oh no. Oh god. He’s gonna be so angry when he finds out. We’ll be kicked out and forgotten. Then we’ll die slow deaths and no one will remember us.” Virgil breath came faster and faster and tears welled up in his eyes.

Remus hesitantly reached out a hand and tapped Virgil’s shoulder. 

“Hey. Um. Please stop crying. Like, um, just think of good things? Like....uh.....bloody eyeballs!”

Virgil’s chest heaved as he fought for breath.

“Um right not a normal thing to like. Uh. Ok so. Spiders! You like spiders right! Like your lil pet spider!”

Virgil glanced up at Remus and his breath seemed to come easier. Seeing this Remus continued.

“Yay! Spiders! And spider webs and stuff. What about really cool Halloween costumes. Ones with big flowy capes that you can swish dramatically”

Virgil was looking up enough now for Remus to see the tear tracks through his eyeliner.

“And white foundation and like really REALLY black clothes. Those are good right?”

The tension in Virgil’s shoulders was released and he was able to breath easily again. He sniffed and wiped his nose. 

“Deceit won’t throw us out. He might be a bit angry but he will forgive us.”

Virgil nodded and sniffed once more before motioning towards Deceit’s door. “Should we go in?”

Remus nodded and knocked three times on the door. 

***

Deceit ran his fingers angrily through his hair. His hat, gloves and cape had been messily thrown onto his bed in an attempt to release some of his anger. 

“Those stupid light sides, showing up and ruining this.” He muttered furiously, “They can’t just be content with kicking us out _oh no_ they have to come and rub it in like the good for nothing DICKHEADS THAT THEY ARE.” He yelled and kicked the wall, which he immediately regretted as his toe started throbbing in pain. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” he whispered as he hopped round his room clutching his toe. 

Just as he recovered someone knocked three times on his door. He jumped in surprise and then took a breath and opened the door calmly.

“Hey there, kids. I apologise about that” he said as if nothing happened.

Remus was playing with his hands as he timidly asked “are you ok, dad?” Virgil had his hood pulled up but was peering out from underneath it.

Looking down at the two of them Deceit felt his heart melt. 

“Of course I am. Now come here you two” he kneeled down and spread his arms out towards them. The both ran into his embrace and the three held onto each other tightly.

The hug lasted longer than was normal but they were all rattled. Virgil and Remus were unused to Deceit’s usually rock hard composure being shattered and Deceit hated to see his kids looking so unsure of themselves. 

Finally Remus spoke up, his voice muffled against Deceit’s shoulder. 

“Hey, Deceit, do you have a name?”

Deceit glanced down at him surprised by the question he glanced up at the exposed sign on his door and started in shock.

“I- what- When did that happen?” 

“I think it was when you closed your door.” Virgil spoke up timidly.

Deceit stood up quickly and turned away from Virgil and Remus staring down at his hands. They watched him silently.

“Well. I guess now is as good a time as any.” He suddenly turned round to face them and looked them both in the eyes. “My name,” Remus and Virgil leaned forward slightly, “is Janus.”

“Huh” they both said at the same time.

“That sounds cool”

“If you took the J away it makes anus”

Janus raised an eyebrow at them. “Thanks” he said, only semi-sarcastically.

Remus grinned and jumped up, pulling Virgil up with him. 

“Awesome! Now we all know each other name’s!”

“Hm yeah I guess we do” Virgil said, with significantly less energy but he was still smiling. Janus laughed at them and they all walked back to the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF that new video the angst IS RIFE. it also made me ship moceit which I didn’t ship before but how could u not love the divorced dads trying to make it work for the kids.  
Anyway JANUS’ NAME?? I thought we weren’t getting that for AGES but I am so HAPPPYYYYYY. Janus is a dork and I’m so proud of him
> 
> Anyway now I’ve stopped ranting about that I hope you like this new chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA you thought I was dead, but I’m not so I fooled you all. This chapter is weird and like not much of anything but here ya go.

Virgil was checking in on Thomas, who was getting ready to leave for his small job at a cafe nearby, he wasn’t physically in the real world, of course, but all the sides had the ability to look through his eyes from wherever they were in the Mind Palace and Janus has taught him and Remus when he was only 4 years old.

He narrowed his eyes as Thomas reached for the same T-shirt he had now worn for a week but let it go, he was staring to give up on reminding Thomas to make a good impression everyday. However he still let Thomas feel a bit of his annoyance.

As Thomas left the house Virgil let another twinge of Anxiety through and Thomas double checked the door was locked. He also glanced at his watch and, assured he wasn’t late, he set off at a leisurely stroll to the town center. 

As he was walking down the Main Street, Virgil keeping alert for any threats. He happened to glance in a shop window as he idly looked around. He had passed this shop nearly everyday for the past few months but they obviously had a new collection in and he stopped short. 

There, as if waiting for him, was a leopard print fedora hat. 

Virgil almost fell off his bed at the emotion coming from the Light Side. He didn’t know who it came from as, down in the Dark Sides Mind Palace, the feelings were too vague and filtered to make much sense. However even with the distance between them he could feel a strong sense of longing and desire that, coupled with the same emotions from Remus just next door, were almost overwhelming.

Virgil withdrew his control as he felt someone from the light sides take over, he still watched as Thomas suddenly started speed walking into the shop he intervened to make Thomas slow down a bit as people were probably judging them. 

Thomas walked to the window and saw a whole array of the fedora hats; all different sizes, colours and patterns. He heard a high pitched squealing from next door and assumed Remus was still watching, surprisingly he also felt Janus giving a sense of satisfaction to Thomas and assumed that both of them liked the hats as much as the presence from the light side did.

He rolled his eyes at these nerds, he personally didn’t see anything special about the hats but everyone else seemed to like, no, LOVE them and the only negative thing about them was that they were a bit out there but he could deal with that if only so he didn’t have to argue with Remus and Janus. Too much work.

He did however manage to get through that they were going to be late if they didn’t get a move on. The feeling from the light side had been quietened slightly and someone was saying much the same thing. Together they managed to cajole Thomas out of the shop.

Immediately after his shift Thomas almost ran back to the shop. He spent a couple minutes picking the hats he loved the most (he did pick the leopard print one) and then immediately bought them and walked home proudly wearing one of the three fedora hats he bought. 

Virgil rolled his eyes and then stretched and went to get some snacks from the kitchen, satisfied someone else was looking after Thomas.

***

Janus waited until Thomas went upstairs, leaving the bag of hats on the kitchen counter. He appeared in the real world and looked furtively around before replacing his bowler hat with a plain black fedora. 

He admired himself in the mirror, practiced a couple evil poses. He grinned happily and then caught sight of the bright, neon green hat also in the bag. He was just reaching for it when he heard footsteps on the stairs he grabbed his bowler hat, replaced the black fedora and quickly vanished. 

***

Thomas, coming downstairs for a glass of water, stared quizzically at the kitchen. He could have sworn he saw something move but everything seemed in place and he had just come off a long shift. Putting it down to tiredness he started humming a Disney song.

***

Appearing in his room Janus breathed a sigh of relief. Thomas didn’t know about their existence yet and he planned on keeping it that way. He knew he had taken a risk however there was a satisfaction about trying on the real world thing rather than what he just summoned up. 

He grinned again, his close call forgotten as he eagerly summoned a plain black fedora of his own and pulled it on. It fit perfectly of course and he decided he looked rather dashing in it. He calmed down slightly and went to get a cup of tea and show off his new hat. 

He was disappointed to see no one around as he went into the kitchen. He stopped himself from sighing and then shrugged philosophically. Virgil wasn’t exactly a social butterfly and Remus was probably working on something weird. Janus made a mental note to check up on them both and make sure they had, at least, something to drink. 

He was stirring his tea as Virgil crept quietly in behind him.

“Oh my god. What is so amazing about those fucking hats.” 

Janus pretended he hadn’t heard Virgile enter and turned round, a smirk on his face. 

“I take it you like my new hat”

“That better be some sarcasm because it’s horrifying.”

Janus dramatically held a hand a against his chest pretending to be scandalised “Virgil! How could you! My own family turning against me”

Virgil rolled his eyes at his dad’s dramatics and Janus turned to continue stirring his tea. 

“You idiot.” muttered Virgil as he reached for a mug for himself. 

There was quiet in the kitchen until a loud crack was heard from Remus’ room and he came running in screeching. 

“PEEKABOO” 

“Fuck off, Remus”

“May I ask what that noise was?”

“Nope!” Said Remus innocently rocking back and forth on his heels. 

Virgil squinted at him suspiciously but Remus has noticed Janus’ hat.

“AHHHH VIRGEY LOOK AT DAD’S HAT” 

“That’s fine, talk about me like I’m not here.” 

“Awful isn’t it?” 

“I WANT ONE!!” 

“Fucks sake there’s two of them”

Remus concentrated and pulled a hat from midair. It was horrendous, a patchwork of animal prints in bright neon colours all clashing horribly.

“A true masterpiece, I’m overjoyed.”

“Ew, get rid of it right now!”

Remus gasped in joy, “ITS BEAUTIFUL.” he happily placed it on his head and Janus smiled at him proudly.

Virgil took this all in and shook his head in disappointment. “Dad, you were meant to set an example, look at it, it should be in a zoo.”

“I believe the original version of that meme was ‘look at it, it’s got anxiety’ so apparently I failed with both of you.” 

“This house is a fucking nightmare.”

Remus, who had been creeping closer to the sugar bowl suddenly cackled and waved his hand. A fedora, not quite as garish as his own but close, appeared on Virgil’s head.

With an exclamation of disgust he threw it back at Remus who placed it atop of his own hat. 

Janus smiled happily at the chaos and sipped his tea. 

***

A week later and Remus and forgotten about his love for fedoras and Thomas’s were put in his closet and nobody mentioned them again. 

Janus eventually accepted that Thomas had moved on and it had just been a short phase and went back to his signature bowler hat. Although he never managed to through it away and it sat under his bed, unused expect for times when he took it out and admired himself wearing it in the mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I FINALLY met a fander irl so idk if ur reading this but hi Alix. 
> 
> Thanks for reading y’all I’ll see u in a couple of decades when I next update this. ily bai❤️❤️


End file.
